Creating the life of our dreams – ANYTHING is Pawsible!

Category: IVF & Pregnancy

456 days without coffee

Could you go 456 days without coffee? I just did (and now I’m about to receive a medal from the Swedish King Carl Gustaf). Anything is pawsible, don’t forget that! 😉

Why am I living a life without coffee (who does that?)

I’ve read that it’s harder to get pregnant if you are over 35 years old and drink more than two cups of coffee every day. I drank three cups and I was 36. Just to show the Universe that I was willing to do anything to get pregnant, I quit coffee (and boy do I enjoy my coffee)! Just like that. Three days of intense headache and then it was done. Or was it…?

Hell no! I miss my coffee every day. I even miss to use my beautiful coffee cups from Le Creuset. And I miss the social thing with coffee that no tea-drinker in the world could ever understand.

One more reason for not drinking coffee was that my iron levels were low (way to low). And coffee makes it harder for the body to absorb iron, hence no coffee.

Unexpected benefits

In the beginning I only drank green- or rooibos tea and nothing with caffeine. This taught me to really listen to my body. It became so much easier to decide when I needed to rest or to take a nap. As you all know I still suffer from my burnout and have low energy levels throughout the day. Before I could take a cup of coffee and go on with whatever I was doing for 1 or 2 hours more before taking that nap. Now I couldn’t without the caffeine. I tuned in more and started to listen to myself. And also, I don’t need to pee as often… 

Unexpected disadvantages 

I’ve gained weight since I quit coffee. Has combustion reduced? Or… did I eat more sweets as a supplement to coffee? I guess we’ll never know. 😉

20 more days

I’ve decided when and where I’ll have my first cup of coffee (for a really long time). I’m going to order an organic black coffee to my first breakfast in Bali! Yey! Less than 3 weeks away. I can almost smell the coffee right now. Delicious! I’ll try to just drink coffee in the mornings. I’ll give you an update on how that goes.

Have you ever quit coffee? And for how long? Why did you do it? Please comment below.

 

IVF-update: Two lesbians on the pill

It’s time for an update, don’t you think?

During the summer we did, not one but two, IVF-trials. One with a fresh embryo and one with an embryo that had been frozen. It still amazes me that this is even possible!  And I am so grateful that we live in a country where we get this help (almost) for free. I’ve joined some American IVF-groups on Facebook and boy do they all struggle. Especially with money for the treatments but also with hormones affecting their bodies and of course a lot of tough feelings. I not going to lie. This is hard. All of it.

I got so caught up in the process of conceiving a child that it almost became my entire reality. For a while I thought obsessively about what food I ate and didn’t ate. I also thought a lot about the fact that I’m still struggling with my burnout. How does this affect my body? Is it even possible to get pregnant in this state that I am in? If I am so low on energy that I barely can exercise can my body then handle a pregnancy?

Meet this little girl (still without a name), our friends lovely, beautiful daughter.

 The questions and thoughts just didn’t stop. That’s when I felt that I needed a break from all of it and I’m glad we made that decision together Märta and I. We have two more embryos in the freezer and I want them to get a fair chance. I need to approach our coming IVF-treatments with a much more laid-back style, otherwise I don’t think I’ll ever get pregnant.

My nephew Mario and I (He’s named after Super Mario Bros)

We love it when Mario comes to visit us in Stockholm!

We decided to wait for at least six months before we do another treatment. That will give me some time to get my body back on track. The hormones gave me endometrial seizures (that hurt like hell) and the cure for this is to take the opposite hormones which is going on the pill. So here we are, two lesbians on the pill, not knowing what the universe has in store for our future. ? It’s kind of exciting and we are now focusing all our energy on our new projects as viral entrepreneurs.

Our pawsome family 🙂

 

Happy Friday!

Maria

Baby journey

This dark Saturday afternoon here in Stockholm, I’m sitting at our big dining table with my new computer, a cup of hot green tea, and just enjoying the calmness. Maria is on the sofa reading a book (a Swedish Classic, that also was made a musical by the Abba duo; Benny and Björn. Maybe you can guess which book it is? 🙂 ). It is so silent and calm. Just what I needed after a hectic week. 

This morning I had a Pilates class and then a distant healing session with a client. After that I sliped in to a hot bath with lavender essential oil and scoup of coconut oil. I feel like a little baby but now 😉 

Talking about babies, as promised I’ll share with you what is going on with our baby plans as for now. For you who saw the first blog post here on Pawsome moms, know that we just got a negative answear on the pregnancy test. We had made our second try of IVF, that didn’t stick. Now we have two more embryos in the freezer (amazing isn’t it?!) waiting for us. 

 

After the last attempt, Maria said she wanted a short break before going at it again. I thouth it was good. The hormones had taken a turn on her and a rest would be for the best. But after a month passing by and a little sisterly advice from my older sister Gina, Maria felt that she wasn’t in good shape to get pregnant. Her coming back from her burnout has taken a long time and is still an ongoing process. Maria said that looking back a year from now when we were in the middle of insemination attempts, she can’t belive how she thouth she would get pregnant. “My body and mind was so not in the state for a pregnancy, but my will of having a child made me blind to se that. I don’t want to make the same misstake again. Looking back and woundering what the h*** I was thinking.” 

Me, on the other hand, have had a gut feeling for a long time that we should start our projects of living our lifes much more freely and working for getting to that point before we have children (Yes I hope we might have two 😉 but one would be wounderful). And I have been conserned about Marias health, what it would mean to go through a pregnancy and then becoming a parent at the state she was in. That did also put a huge feeling of responsibility on my shoulders..  
I felt some what relieved when we deicded to pospone our last two trials of IVF for the future. We both really want to give those last two tries our best <3

We haven’t sat a time limit, we just said that we will give it a longer break now, until Maria feels fine and we are on board with our “Freedom Projects”. 

Oh one more thing!… We have started to look at adoptions. That would just be wounderful 🙂 Let´s see what the future holds! And for sure it holds a Dream trip.. let’s just say Christmas will be very warm this year 😉 

Lots of love ~ Märta 

Dream family and baby boom

Right now as I write, dear friends of ours are at the hospital just about to start the delivery of their baby. It is so exciting! I am sending them all my good thoughts and hoping that the delivery will be good and that the two moms and the little baby will be ok, with just a LITTLE bit of sweat, blood and tears through out it all. I can only imagine when it will be time for Maria and I to go for the delivery. I’m going to be like a tigress, making sure Maria gets exactely what she needs and wants, and I will be watching over her and the little one like a hawk! Just so that I can, at the end when I know everything went fine, cry like a baby 😉

Another friend, that I haven’t seen in a long time, but we used to dance together at The Balettakademin, just announced that him and his partner have now become dads. How amazing isn’t that! The babies are just popping up from all around. And it makes me so happy. And the longing to become a parent even bigger…

I never had the dream of giving birth to a child. Even when I was a child and dreamt of my future, I pictured me having maximum one child and then meeting someone who already had a child so that the family would get bigger without me having to give birth to more than one child. A bit of an odd dream for a young girl.. That was when I thought I would live the straight life and live with a man ;).. Then again I never saw the partner of my dreams in these as I now understand them to be; visions, just that I had a little boy by my side and that I might get another child in another way. The fact that it was a boy was a bit strange I thought. When I was little I felt more comfortable around girls, I had only sisters and not really any boys around. But that has been the vision and my gut feeling has now led me to here – being with my dream partner, not having to put my body through a pregnancy and delivery (I will get back to you on why that is so one day) and yet, HOPEFULLY, have the family of my dreams <3

And maybe the little boy that has been with me in my vision, might just well be our Fluffy boy Napoleon 😉 Cause one thing I know for sure is that Maria and I became a family when Napoleon came to us <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Talking about gut feeling though… It is telling me – that is (soon) to happen. A soul is on its way. Let’s hope so <3

In the meantime I will be grateful for all the wonderful children coming our way. And today my love goes out to Judith, my niece, who turns 9 years old. Happy Birthday Judith! <3

What happens now?

I recently took my 6th negative pregnancy test. Filled with hormones I ended up crying on the yoga mat on the floor. That’s a little bit out of character for me… I’m not usually someone who cries a lot, I (still) automatically shut every feeling inside of my heart so that no one can see them. That’s not how I prefer to handle my feelings, but it takes a bit of time to learn new, and I’m really trying to crawl out of my own comfort zone. In a way, the IVF-hormones has helped me to meet my feelings which I’m grateful for even if it might sound crazy.

Märta and I have decided to take a short break from our IVF-journey. It’s hard and it sucks energy from everything. We need to have some fun again! To feel normal again, reboot on love and energy and not think about hormones, sympthoms, counting all sorts of days here and there and other things that might lead to a plus on the stick. IVF does crazy things to your mind and body, that’s for sure.

There is something special about the IVF community online. All of us who are struggling, exposing our bodies for hard hormone treatments, meet various obstacles in the same storm. No one knows in advance how long the journey will be, but we know exactly what everyone is going through. I’m glad that we decided to talk openly about our journey. It has been harder than I ever imagined. I thought I was going to get pregnant in an instant and now, four inseminations and two IVF-tries later, I’m still not pregnant…

We have two little perfect embryos left in the freezer at the fertility clinic. Two more chances to get pregnant. My gut feeling recently told me that my body needed a break and I am listening.

Once again, THANK YOU for your love and support! It means a lot to us and it helps us get through this – you are PAWSOME!    

Now I’m off to Märtas Pilates class. Enjoy your evening (or morning) everyone!

Maria

 

 

Space in between

You know the breaks between things you are doing? Like a break at work, the break between classes in school etc. Today was that kind of a day. We needed a break. Some space to breath.

Those days are really important to me. I believe they are to everyone, but sometimes forgotten. Like a room is not a room without the space within it, the words are not words unless there is space in between. The space and the breaks are as significant as the things we are doing in our lives. The no-thing days, are filled with substantial. And so was this.

Maria and I were just in the moment, took a long, slow walk and a boat trip (public transport, wohoo!) to a beautiful part of central Stockholm called Djurgården.

We walked around and just in time for the rain we had found a lovely porch to sit on, with cover from the rain and a great view. And then… I discovered him! The Thinker. One of the most beautiful sculptures of all time was sitting there under the big chestnut tree, with the stunning garden and the water with passing boats just at our feet. And I had missed it! Never had I walked here before and so I had no idea that August Rodins statue was sitting and thinking right here.  The Thinker stopped me thinking, and I found the break, the space in between. If only so for a moment. But it was beautiful.

Our society of today rewards the “doing” and forgets to celebrate the “being”. So… remember the breaks, they are invaluable.

Our “baby-journey” will soon pick up again. But for now we are in the space in between (on our baby journey. Loads of other things are going on that we will soon update you on!) ..until the next embryo insertion time that is. ?

 

 

Birth(day) time and the big news!

We are so excited - today we deliver the birth of our Blog! Happy birthday!

The first blog post will evidently be about the big news! Sharing what we know you all have been waiting for 😉 None the less us! Are we pregnant or not? We have been on an emotional roaller coaster through out this whole IVF-journey (and previous inseminations) but with a good gut feeling. The question is just; Is it going to be NOW? Are we finally pregnant?

We are so happy to have you all with us on this journey of both; life, IVF and what Pawsome Moms will be up to in the future. To feel Your love and support, to read Your comments and feel the good energy coming our way. When shifting our lifes in the direciton we desire and dream of, your support is invaluable. Thank you!

Now...For the BIG NEWS - look at the video below. We'll get back to you asap with more info..!

Lots of love,

Märta and Maria

 

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