Am I being true to myself? Am I living the life I’m meant to live – a life that most honors the real me, celebrates my deepest values and respects my highest dreams? This is questions that I struggle with every day now a days. Not only if I have the courage but more importantly – what is my gift? What is it that is going to be my legacy in the world?
I think that my future is going to look (and is already looking) very different from how it would have turned out if I hadn’t undergone my journey – the burnout – over the last couple of years.
My self-esteem was built only on what I managed to achieve at work. First as an authorized accounting consultant and then later as a CFO. I always prioritized work over friends, lovers, vacation, my health and hobbies, over anything to be honest. Now when I have been on sick leave for a very long time and have had the time to discover what I enjoy doing, I have realized that I really enjoy being creative, using my imagination, read books and to travel the world with my future wife Märta. Here a thought emerges. Is this something I can make a living of in the future? It’s a thrilling (and scary) thought.
Then my realistic self emerges and tells me that I need to make a living and that I should go back to economics now that I’m feeling better and is soon to start working again. And yes, this is what is about to happen. At least for a while. The difference now is that I have discovered a whole bunch of things that I enjoy doing, that a had forgotten about when I was working all the time. And today I made a promise to myself that I am going to set aside time to really do these things, and just not dream about them anymore.
Maybe I’ll write a Scandinavian crime fiction book. Maybe I’ll try swimming or paddle. Maybe I’ll start a book club with some new friends. Maybe Märta and I’ll go to a (scary) dance class together.
Its time for me to start living a more authentic life! I think that if you begin to do things that you are frightened of it might make life less scary in the long run. Will you join me?